Pleasantly faking it

Social media is all about highlighting the moments of your life that are working. However, I still want to be honest and show that Lyme Disease is a awful disease. I’m very frequently torn between putting on a good face and showing how frustrating it actually is. This week has been the hardest ones for a bit now and what is posted is a happy photo.

First I caught a cold that I tried to muscle through, then I started herxing from my cold remedies, and thats when things got ugly. I woke up in one of those anxiety binds where your brain tells you that sitting up or moving 2inches will be the death of you. Most of the morning I spent in ball, only to get up for detoxers. The grip slowly wore off until I remembered an errand that could not be put off and I wound back up. My boyfriend got me through my errand, an issue that would have been a mini disaster without his help so when he ordered pizza later I offered to get it since I didn’t feel like my chest was being slowly crushed anymore.

At the pizza place, they are rude, they don’t have his order, then they do, then they make me wait. As I paced the foyer, I started winding back into my anxiety ball. After 15 minutes I left with the pizza, which I would find out later was the wrong order. I got in the car and cried till I got home because I was so tired of every second of this day being so hard. I had very little control over how I felt, which is one of the things I find hardest to accept about Lyme. I never had anxiety before. I don’t have anxiety. I have Lyme which gives me anxiety.

Another layer of this frustration is that I believed when I finished my antibiotics from Jemsek, I should be mostly better. Ending antibiotics and switching to herbs has proved to me that this is far from the truth. My herxing has been hugely neurological, telling me that the antibiotics did a really poor job getting the bacteria out of my brain. I’m excited to get home for Christmas because there awaits a new stress herbal blend from my favorite herb master. I have high hopes that this will be a tool I can use to fully suppress the unnecessary anxiety. If it wasn’t for the set of herbs I already had in hand today, I would have probably never left my bed.

I went through a fairly miserable day and there is no record of it till now because I don’t know how you show that and still want to be someone others spend time with. 95% of my pre-Lyme friends are gone. My Lyme friends suffer with the same issues and worse so there’s no reason to complain to them. They get it. Drawing the line between honesty and presenting the person you want to be is an issue that I struggled with before Lyme and even more now. No one could air all of their issues all the time or else they would have no friends but where do you cross into faking it?

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Pleasantly faking it

My Lyme & Autoimmune response

As many of you know, I have been treating with Jemsek Specialty clinic for over a year now. I have made a lot of improvement but as they tell me I will be entering my last round of intense antibiotics and I am still not my normal functional self, I have found myself moving to the belief that antibiotics are not the full solution to Lyme Disease.

I want to make it very clear that I am still an advocate of long term pulsed antibiotics. They have taken my life from couch-bound daily to being able to be functional around the house and having more and more good days going out. That being said, I think there is a large component of Lyme that is the autoimmune systems reaction to Lyme that we don’t understand. Like some people are allergic to foods, it is not that the food is bad but that our systems over react to it. I think the antibiotics have done a great job of killing the invaders but that much of my issues come now from my body being unable to settle back into its normal ways.

I will be finishing my last rounds with Jemsek, I have added in herbals, and I will begin DIV Ozone in October. My intent is to continue to use herbals to kill any invaders that antibiotics did not get while using Ozone and other alternative methods to calm my autoimmune issues. My new doctor is optimistic that I will be able to calm my neurological flares that keep me from driving relatively soon.

While all this treatment has been more expensive than I can afford, I am optimistic that it will all be worth it soon and I can return to a functioning lifestyle where I can do more to bring Lyme awareness and return to my career that has been left for dead over the last two years. I have to admit I am thoroughly exhausted from running from place to place trying to cure this disease and frequently struggling with finances, I feel closer to the end than ever before.

My Lyme & Autoimmune response