Its been about 2 years since I’ve been to the movies. I don’t really like movies, but I did want to see Deadpool.
I was not feeling great but not terrible so I put my big girl pants on and got out the door. John drove while I shook and whined about my back aching. Honestly it was very odd being around people, doing”normal things”. I felt like an outsider observing things, like I wasn’t part of the normal world anymore. Obviously I look normal and the outing was as average as they get but it felt so strange to me.
When leaving the movie my head was splitting, I was shaking, and I felt rough but I made it. While I enjoyed the movie and am glad John and I could do something “normal”. It always begs the question to me, was it worth it? 3 hours of sitting at home feeling as good as possible or 3 hours of a movie feeling bad.
I think its worth it to be part of the world. Not daily, not always, but I think its important to not become an outsider to your own culture. The longer I’m not integrated into my society the more I feel abnormal which isn’t what I want to feel. I do not want my illness to make me a shut-in or a hermit. While it will continue to be a challenge to be “normal” I think it is worth the pain to venture a trip into the “normal world” occasionally.